About the Beer-Movie Rating System
The Beer-Movie Rating System attempts to quantitatively evaluate a film by answering the following question:
How many beers would I need to drink in order to enjoy this movie?
There are a number of different rules and considerations that factor into the Beer-Movie Rating System. Those that are relatively easy to put into words are listed below. Others are very subtle and subjective. Use at your own risk
You cannot apply the Beer-Movie Rating System after you've seen the movie! The Beer-Movie Rating System is based entirely on the previews and hype leading up to a movie. Once you've seen the movie, you know how much is sucks. How much fun is it to debate how drunk you need to be when you already know?
You cannot apply the Beer-Movie Rating System to a movie that you and your beer-drinking friends would obviously hate. Nothing sounds dumber than somebody proclaiming, "Dude, Waterworld had to be at least a 30 beer movie!" Well no shit, genius. Come in off of that limb. The only people earning props for stating the obvious are television sportscasters, so unless there's a microphone in front of you, why don't you grow a set and go after a movie that someone might actually try to defend.
While we're on the subject of obvious things, you must keep the beer quantities within the realm of reason for the Beer-Movie Rating System to be meaningful. Put some actual thought into how drunk you're going to be after X beers and whether you might at least find the movie funny at that point. Otherwise, you sound like a couple of grade school kids having an argument: "Infinity beers!" "Infinity beers plus a keg!"
To keep things on an even footing, all sequels get approximately a two beer handicap in the Beer-Movie Rating System. While the progression from sequel to sequel is not exactly linear, it's fair to say that the fifth installment of any given slasher movie series needs to garner at least a six beer rating to even be impressive.
Things that add to a film's Beer-Movie Rating: gratuitous nudity, mindless violence, excessive hype, profanity, weak plot, bad dialog, plastic acting.
Movies that are well-suited to the Beer-Movie Rating System: big-budget summer action movies, slasher flicks, sci-fi movies, "buddy" comedies, trashy soft-porn-ish movies, movies featuring professional athletes and/or recording artists, any movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger or Adam Sandler.
Movies that are not well-suited to the Beer-Movie Rating System: romantic comedies, movies about people dying from terminal diseases (as opposed to car crashes and gunfire), "girl power" movies, documentaries about lawsuits or war crimes trials, movies released on Valentines Day weekend, movies with talking babies, any movie with Kevin Costner or Susan Sarandon.
The Beer-Movie Rating System is more of a guide than a map. The Beer-Movie Rating System is based on information generally available to the public and has not been independently verified. The Beer-Movie Rating System is for informational purposes only, and is not intended to be an endorsement of any particular investment strategy for your entertainment dollar. If you experience headache, dry mouth, or any signs of advanced chemical dependency, stop using the Beer-Movie Rating System and immediately consult a physician.