| Dan Matched |
Gary Bauer |
To |
Carol Moseley Braun |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
The "where the hell did that come from" candidate. |
| Mike Matched |
Steve Forbes |
To |
Dick Gephardt |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Gephardt has no eyebrows. Forbes has no eyelids. Together, they form the DC Area Coalition for Eye Weirdness. |
| Miles Matched |
John McCain |
To |
Howard Dean |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
"Exciting" candidates that are "fun" to vote for and likely to drive the country into the ground -- or turn out to secretly be sober and moderate. |
| "MJK" Matched |
Pat Buchanan |
To |
Dennis Kucinich |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Couple of crackpots. |
| Chris Matched |
John McCain |
To |
Wesley Clark |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Great resumes! Nothing else! |
| Levi Matched |
Elizabeth Dole |
To |
John Kerry |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
know the name. know you won't win |
| Erin Matched |
Gary Bauer |
To |
Carol Moseley Braun |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
I know the least about these two, except for CMB's optional tax-paying. Hey, come to think of it, that puts her in line with most Repubs... |
| "Disco Dan" Matched |
Dan Quayle |
To |
Joe Lieberman |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Senator who became famous for being a disappointing choice for presidential running mate |
| josh Matched |
Alan Keyes |
To |
Dennis Kucinich |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
just plain wacky |
| fik Matched |
George W. Bush |
To |
Al Sharpton |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
equally delusional |
| Miles Matched |
Gary Bauer |
To |
Dick Gephardt |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
They both scare the shit out of me for different reasons. Gary is a crazy Jesus freak and Dick is a crazy protectionist. They also seem the most likely to be closet child molesters. |
| "Disco Dan" Matched |
John McCain |
To |
Howard Dean |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Conservative re-invents himself for grassroots appeal and crushes the presumed favorite in New Hampshire |
| Mike Matched |
Lamar Alexander |
To |
Joe Lieberman |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Lamar! and the Lieb are as exciting as reading the 1985 Federal Register in Braille. |
| "MJK" Matched |
Gary Bauer |
To |
John Edwards |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Couple of Southern boys from good homes. Very tidy guys. Kinda like a Southern Flanders... |
| Erin Matched |
Pat Buchanan |
To |
John Kerry |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Just amusing myself with this one... |
| Miles Matched |
Steve Forbes |
To |
John Edwards |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Rich folks without any chance at all of winning. Also, the two candidates most likely to be either aliens or robots. Or even robot aliens. |
| Mike Matched |
Pat Buchanan |
To |
Al Sharpton |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
There's the obvious, of course: divisive politics of demonization, for instance. But one thing is even more shocking: they both collapse in sobs at the end of "Snoopy Come Home." |
| Levi Matched |
Gary Bauer |
To |
Dennis Kucinich |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
who are you? |
| fik Matched |
Steve Forbes |
To |
Carol Moseley Braun |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Each an extremely rich white man, except for Carol Moseley Braun. |
| Chris Matched |
Pat Buchanan |
To |
Al Sharpton |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
From the cuckoo wing of the parties! |
| Miles Matched |
George W. Bush |
To |
John Kerry |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
Most bland options and traditional party favorites due to lack of substantive opinions. |
| fik Matched |
Pat Buchanan |
To |
Howard Dean |
And Explained
Themselves
By Saying |
both have gay sisters. |