March 30, 2004

60 Minutes of 23" Rims

This will either make you very sad or you won't know what I'm talking about, but there's probably no "in-between":

http://www.funkmasterflex.com/

Posted by Dan at 10:36 AM | Comments (3)

March 21, 2004

We're Here, We're Queer, And We're Going To Home Depot

There are any number of ways you can express your sexuality in coastal New Hampshire. You can be open about it. You can advertise it. Or, you can be two women driving a GMC pickup truck with a Dennis Kucinich campaign banner in the rear window where the gun rack normally goes.

Posted by Dan at 11:23 AM | Comments (0)

March 19, 2004

If Only They Also Played Poker...

The Discovery Channel has managed to hit the Holy Trifecta of modern "educational" television programming with their new series Animal Face-Off. In open defiance of those who said it couldn't be done, they've managed to combine engineering and construction, fighting robots and large, dangerous predators into the most meticulously-targeted hour of programming for "Males Age 18 To 45" on television.
In a bid to keep pace, rival "educational" programming outlet The History Channel announced that is has begun development of a new series in which history's great wars are fought entirely by computer-generated polar bears and killer whales.

Posted by Dan at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)

March 17, 2004

What, Exactly, Is "Collegiate Bedding?"

I found the following press release on the Internet today for an oil and natural gas company called Petrosearch:
Former Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Rodgers joins Petrosearch
Yes, that Johnny Rodgers.
These are the sort of bozos who run oil exploration & production companies. What other serious American corporation would issue a press release bragging about how they just hired a former Big 12 football star who knows nothing about their industry and oh, by the way, washed out big-time in the NFL. Besides, they could have saved a lot of money and hired Eric Crouch or Scott Frost, instead.

Posted by Dan at 02:10 PM | Comments (0)

March 11, 2004

Can The Country Club Membership Be Far Behind?

The realization hit me yesterday that I am a capitalist. And not just a capitalist in the political sense of the word. For the first time in my life, I actually deposited a dividend check into my bank account yesterday. Granted, I've been collecting dividends through my old company's employee stock purchase plan for a couple of years now, but I had things set up so that the toil of the proletariat was automatically reinvested. Somehow, the fact that I never held the money in my hands made me feel less like a bourgeois swine. Once the check clears, I'll be transferring the money into my brokerage account and further profiting from the labor of the working class.
I have met The Man, and I am Him.
Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Posted by Dan at 09:29 PM | Comments (0)

March 02, 2004

Oh, no, not again!

According to CNN.com, C.S. Lewis's timeless Chronicles of Narnia have been targeted for Disney-fication. What horrors of revisionist foof will the Eisneroids inflict on these cherished classics? Which one of the animals will the the token Disney character with the Jamaican accent? How many stupid muscial numbers will be written into the plot?
I, for one, will not be finding out.

Posted by Dan at 05:19 PM | Comments (0)