November 19, 2004

More on K-Mart and Sears

An economist being interviewed on CNBC's Squawk Box this morning referred to the companies as, "... two drunks, leaning on each other to keep from falling down."

Posted by Dan at 12:53 PM | Comments (0)

November 17, 2004

K-Mart And Sears Merging; Insert Joke Here

Retailers K-Mart and Sears have announced their intention to merge. I made up some funny headlines about the deal. Feel free to chip in with your own:

K-Mart Buying Sears In Deal Expected To Collapse Into Insatiable Black Hole Of Shareholder Value

Blue Light Soon To Be Detectable Only As X-Rays Emanating From Event Horizon

Lack Of Criminal Record Leaves Bob Vila Better Positioned Than Martha Stewart To Face Upcoming Insolvency

Wal-Mart Revises Future Earnings Outlook Upwards By The Cost Of One Beat-Down

These things practically write themselves.

Posted by Dan at 01:28 PM | Comments (0)

November 11, 2004

Diet Disbelief

So I've been losing some weight lately. Nothing too dramatic. I think I'm down about 30 pounds from where I started. Apparently, it's becoming noticeable, because people are starting to ask me about it at work. The conversations, themselves, are a little troubling, though:

"Hey, man, have you been losing weight?"

"Yeah, I've lost about 30 pounds since June."

"You doing that Atkins diet?"

"No, I've just been eating less and exercising more."

"What diet is that?"

"No particular diet. I just did things that make sense, like not drinking three or four 20 oz. sodas every day."

"Oh, so you're doing the Sugar Busters diet."

"No, I still eat sugar. I just eat less of it and try to balance it out with vegetables and lean meat."

"So you did the South Beach diet?"

"No! Listen to me, you insufferable imbecile! I have not been on any of those moronic fad diets. I simply ate smaller quantities of healthier food and exercised more often."

"Is that the Scarsdale Diet? My neighbor was thinking about doing that..."

"Auggghhhh!!!"


Why is it that nobody can accept that it's possible to lose weight the proper, medically sound way? Particularly in light of the fact that half of the people in the office have tried one or more of those ridiculous diets and virtually all of them wound up just as fat as they started out.

Posted by Dan at 10:18 AM | Comments (0)