April 08, 2005

Today's Bizarre Comment...

... is brought to you by the People's Democratic Republic of China. Home to one "Creford," who is apparently the world's only big fan of Garfield: The Movie and whose blog features a blow-by-blow Engrish rendition of his daily life. To quote Creford, "Now, you can found a new web page at local harddisk by FrontPage or Dreamweaver, I was used to write HTML source..." How true it is.

Posted by Dan at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)

April 01, 2005

Bush Nominates Bob Jones III To Head Catholic Church

Washington D.C. - Responding to reports of the imminent death of Pope John Paul II, U.S. President George W. Bush announced his nomination of Bob Jones University president Bob Jones, III to succeed the ailing pontiff. While questions are being raised around the globe as to whether the president of the United States has the authority to nominate the head of the world's largest Christian church, White House spokesman Scott McClellan expressed confidence in Bush's choice.

"Dr. Jones has been a leading voice for conservative Christian values in the United States and the president has absolute confidence in his ability to lead the world's one billion Catholics," said McClellan. "Justice Department lawyers have reviewed the matter extensively and prepared a memo which indicates that the president is acting within the bounds of precedent and international law." Moments later, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales held a press conference to disavow all knowledge of the memo to which McClellan referred.

Democrats immediately attacked the president's nomination. "The president's nomination of Bob Jones is an insult to Catholics all over the world," huffed Massachusetts Senator and jolly fat man Edward Kennedy. "Not only is Dr. Jones not Catholic, he's pretty much called the Pope an anti-christ on several occasions. For the love of God, I'd sooner appoint Lady Astor my bartender."

The nomination was the latest in a series of controversial appointments by Bush. In early March, Bush nominated John Bolton to serve as the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations in spite of Bolton's longtime, rabid criticism of the global body. More recently, Bush appointed neoconservative war hawk Paul Wolfowitz to head the World Bank. Wolfowitz has consistently denied rumors that he favors the forcible incorporation of all Third World nations into a gigantic shoe factory.

Conservatives were quick to rally to Bush's defense.

"While I'm sure we'll hear the standard chorus of negativity from the liberals and their allies in the media, this bold nomination is one more demonstration of the president's unwavering resolve to make the world a safe place for democracy. It is hypocritical for the Democrats on Capitol Hill to attack the president's nomination. The Democrats have brought no new ideas to the table for dealing with the pending Papal crisis. We can't afford to gamble with the future, we need to fix this problem now," explained conservative pundit Ann Coulter. Asked about the outcry raised by the College of Cardinals, which traditionally elevates the Pope from among its members, Coulter shook her head and asked, "Why do they all hate America so much?"

Posted by Dan at 03:36 PM | Comments (1)